Page Gets Me Hot and Bothered

You know that saying that says something along the lines of: "You can tell a lot about someone from their friends."  Well, in my case, I'd say that's partially true.  To people who have ever had a conversation with me, they usually leave with a sense of not knowing why or how we got to a certain topic.  Flying elephants...self-mutilation by plastic sporks...nothing is out of bounds with me.  Some say I'm awkward, but you know what I say?  Hey, at least I'm not one boring excuse of a human being.  So, my friends are definitely not boring (well, maybe I have a few to keep the friend pool diverse), and I'd say when I hang out with them, I expect to laugh.  If I didn't laugh at least once with you within the first thirty minutes, we were (a) purposefully trying to be serious, (b) I was in a bad mood, or (c) you're probably that one guy in class who decides to comment on every topic the teacher brings up, and I hate you.  I have my annoying friends, loud friends, sarcastic friends, athletic friends, quiet friends, bro friends, smelly friends, hairy friends, and the list goes on and on.

So, to stay on this topic of friends, I'd like to introduce my current roommate and the first friend that I ever made at UT who shared no mutual friends with me.  Her name is Page.  I should have known that I was going to fall under her spell.  The signs were all there.  I was a freshman; she was a freshman.  She had a polka-dotted towel; I had a Gatorade polka-dotted stained towel.  She had a Minnesotan accent; my parents had accents.  I mean, we were practically star-crossed lovers except for one little exception which was mostly my fault: I just am really not attracted to the females.  Yup, so that was a little blip right there.  But, when the first words that she said included:

1. Hi.
2. Would
3. you
4. like
5. some 
6. cake?

Ahh...she had me at "cake."  We bonded right there.  And I'm not talking about weak Van-der-Walls type of bonds.  I'm talking about the sharing and caring, harder to break, so-close-they-share-electrons, covalent bonds.  We were like two cramped peas in a pod.  She actually made me claustrophobic. I never experienced this type of caring that actually breathed down my back.  I choked on her friendship love every day.  It was spectacular.  I was giddy as a schoolgirl after swim practice.  She knew me like she knew her multiplication tables (all the way up to 12x12!!).  One day at practice, I yelled in agony for some roast beef.  Every one else though I was crazy, but she knew I was just Asian.  I couldn't help being a product of my almost homogeneous Asian family.  And if you know Page...she's got that yellow fever.  Shucks, she took Chinese, went to China for a robotics competition, reads Popular Science, bought a scooter from Asia (probably to aid the continent economically.  Isn't that sweet of her?  She is such a humanitarian that Page), and...she loves those Kate + 8 babies.

Page was always willing to teach me something...like how to cook rice.  (See how cultured this girl is?  I have mad love for this young woman).  Although her love is partly due to the effects of yellow fever, she has learned to truly love me for me.  She accepts that I will never reach the top shelf of the pantry and will sometimes leave potatoes on the top of the fridge for 4 months and blame it on her.  She is aware of these faults of mine. And although I might not like 16 & Pregnant, at least Page is not pregnant herself and is only living vicariously.  Why be pregnant for nine months when you can be pregnant a few times a week at 30-minute intervals (with commercial breaks in-between!).  But our differences aside, our similarities are what truly unite us.  We hate the same things and these are:

1. Running out of toilet paper
2. Paying for rent. I mean, is a rent-free apartment too much to ask for??
3. The morning of December 4, 2010
4. Stuffy apartments. Some might like their apartments with plenty of carbon dioxide to keep the plants happy, but that's not how we roll.  Ya dig?
5. When Titus goes to the bathroom outside and later, tries to rub his behind all over our faces (okay, maybe just mine, but I'm sure if this happened to Page, she would hate it too).
6. Bestiality 

These are just a few, but anyone reading this can just tell.  I mean, we both hate bestiality which means when animals come over (and they come over often), we know that when we are around, they are safe from certain acts that shall not be named.  Shoot, we would probably be vegetarians if it weren't for the fact that we just love our meat!  Simple as that.

But...if the situation were different, and she had her own PETA cover, and I had the opportunity to design it, this is what is would be:

I know what Bruno Mars was singing about when he said, "You're amazing just the way you are."  Evidence above.  She is photogenic in the blurriest of pictures.  

Page is wonderful  And if you haven't met her, well, you need to know her.  And I'm not talking about the saber version of "to know," I'm talking about that conocer, babe.  I just can't express it fully within a constricted form of an essay, but maybe this song can help.

She will always have my heart.

And I swear, if anyone tries to take my heart away from her, I will chop off your favorite limb and use it as a walking stick for when I go hiking.