Man of My Dreams

So, here's the ultimate truth.

I admit it.

I'm not going to hold it in any longer.

Huh...

I might as well just go ahead and say it.

Alright, here it goes...

If I had to pick one Disney character to get with, it would be Eric from The Little Mermaid.

And yes, before you question if I had already considered the Beast from Beauty and the Beast after he became less beastly, yes. I did. He came close, but Eric took all the fish and chips.  So, why you ask? Why did I pick Eric?

Let's go over the main points:

1. He loves you for who you are. Yeah, so you have a mothaflippin' tail? He loves you for your personality. He doesn't care if you might have crazy red hair and talk to a Jamaican crab named Sebastian. And plus, he's definitely not interested in intimate relations since copulation is out the window now that you've got a long-ass green tail that replaces your would-be womanly parts. 
2. He's a great kisser (evidence below). Eyes closed. Passionate. Looks like a slobber-free experience, and as all we ladies know, that is always great knowing that getting licked in the eyeball is not in the cards with this guy. Plus, he has a considerable amount of hair so there's something to grab onto if things get a little too cra-cra. And like a horse, if he jumps the gun a little too early, you can just simply pull on his luscious dark locks, and he will obey.

3. He is not pasty white i.e. he spends times outdoors. His hands are probably hard and calloused like a man's hands should be. Whenever he rubs your face, he unintentionally leaves scratches all over it, and you like it.  He has a sensitive side too, but he doesn't let you see it. If he needs to think things through, he goes out on a boat for a few days and fishes for some King Triton or some other related baller activity. Sometimes, he comes back with some pearls for you. Other times, he comes back with some flounder. Sorry, he's not sorry.
4. His boat parties bring all the mermaids on deck all day err day. In other words, not only do human beings find him attractive, other marine creatures do too (and they don't even share the same species. What a player! And he doesn't even know it!!! FPP points for you, Glen Coco Eric!!!). You know that song, "I'm on a Boat"? Definitely based on this guy. 

5. Last but not least, he wears those white linen V-necks. Don't lie. We all secretly have a thing for V-necks. Showing a little skin without revealing too much. Subtle and sexy. Eric is all about the art of seduction, and with the deep V, you know he's in it to win it.

So, there you have it, folks. Think I hit the quintessential qualities of the perfect guy.

• Digs your personality
• A+ Smoocher
• Your Contemporary Paul Bunyan
• Has spectacular boat parties
• White V-Necks (probably the most important point in this list. Without the V-neck, you are nothing).