It's mid-term time at
the Universidad Blas Pascal, and we have a striking list
of contenders on our roster for the alumnos these
next few weeks.
Our first, hailing
from the Revolución de Mayo al fin del Modernismo, is our first
subject to be dealt with. Dubbed Los géneros literarios
argentinos by our lovely Spanish speakers, this shall be a feisty
battle, and I think I speak for everyone when I say this shall be one of the
fights to watch this upcoming Tuesday. Gruesome, feisty, and pesada,
this mid-term might result in the fall of our unwavering hero, Sara Nasab.
However, if she does defeat this threatening beast of an exam, she shall be
even closer to obtaining the title of campeonata. But, what we’re
most interested in hearing here is her approach—what is exactly is her estrategia?
She has admitted that notecards, group studying, and re-reading aren’t her
forte, so what else is there? Our interns have had the “privilege” to do our
dirty work, and what they’ve come back with doesn’t sound too favorable for the
‘Sabster. We haven’t seen her do a lick of studying. Nevertheless, she has
proved herself time and time again that procrastination might just be her
blessing in disguise. Her tweets are decreasing, her Facebook statuses are
waning, shoot- we looked in her sock drawer, and she has no more clean socks,
so she must be employing some sort of tactic. We shall leave it at that, and we
can just hope that she comes out alive. May her pencil lead stay abundant and
may her words course through her veins, up to her brain, down to her
fingertips, and actually make it on paper.
But, we are not done
here! No way, José. We have a second contender, assuming she climbs the ranks
into quarterfinals on the 19th of September. What is the
name of this mid-term? “That which we call a rose by any other name would smell
as sweet”, and such as the case, the
mid-term is not a rose, still smells bad, and is simply referred to as lingüística. The study of language- how romantic! At first sight, one would
think so, but like a lustful relationship, one soon discovers that without love
and only passion, one only is left with a cheap whore that only submits after
given jewelry and Russell Stover chocolates. The key to victory is to attack at
the main points: las barreras, las monemas, las fonemas y la redaccion.If
S-Nas just focuses solely on those four points, she should come out on top
swiftly unharmed and uninfected with any whorish diseases. A disease-free Sara
is our goal, but beggars can’t be choosers. Even with a few scratches, we would
still love the kid. We think.
However, I digress.
Our third and second-to-the-last mid-term is the ever so eloquent and bombastic mid-term we call: Historia de América
Latina, another huge obstacle in the way
for our SN. So, what’s she going to do here, folks? We predict a night of
memorizing facts on facts of the Mexican Revolution, the struggle between los
federales y los unitarios, the independence followed by American
intervention, and struggling economies making their way to the forefront of the
modern world. By this point, she’s going to have to put her nose to the
grindstone, or else. If she doesn’t go hard in the paint, well, here’s knowing
ya, Nazzy. The first half of this should be a breeze. As long as she prepares adequately, we’re expecting a 10/10, but what we’re concerned about is the second-half essay portion: three open-ended essays, all in Spanish, about anything from the Reformas
Borbónicas up to the end of Argentinean Yrigoyen’s reign as president. This
is a tough one to call for this semi-final. The O/U is set at 8 (out of a
possible 10). We expect a push, but hey, we can’t exactly tell the future here,
so if I were you, I’d stay clear out of this one, but if you’re the type to
live on the edge, go for it. Over is better than under in this case.
Last, but not
least, we have the mid-term championship: Español. You thought learning the difference
between “good” and “well” was hard, well, think again, bud. We’re getting down
to the nitty-gritty, down to the carnal vestiges of grammar here. No way is
this going to be an easy one. We’re down to the last minutes. All in, guns
blazing—final quarter…with seconds left on the clock, it could be anybody’s
game. Nuh-sobby’s going to have to be really careful and not only will she have
to pay attention to what’s in front of her, she’s going to need to use her
peripherals as well. Yup, you heard right. I said peripherals. She could get
blindsided by a rando sustantivo if she just takes this last
mid-term for granted.
We shall just have
to wait and see what they have in store for good ol’ Sara. From Córdoba, Argentina, we wish you a
pleasant tomorrow, and remember: “A loss is not a win. Therefore, you’re still
a loser.”
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| Two Asians and a peace sign still doesn't count as studying, no matter how much you wish it were so. |
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